yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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