You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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