AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
