I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
