How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
