shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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