Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
