Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
