I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
