New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
