Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
