i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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