i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
