I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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