Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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