Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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