some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize