I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
