I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
