Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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