YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
