There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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