My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
