Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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