They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
