I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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