I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
