My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
