omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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