ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You have to summon your inner elephant
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
