Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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