it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
