so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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