I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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