where am i from again
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
