oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
