it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
