we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
