Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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