I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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