Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
