They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
