Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
