Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize