i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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