So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
