Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
