I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
