I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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