Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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