Your mouth is God's brothel.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
