he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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