Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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