You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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