I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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