Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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