Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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