sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sarcasm needs its own font
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
