i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
