Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
