the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
