I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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