If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
