I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
