I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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