What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
as a side note pls kill me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
