I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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