I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
