I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
