Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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