You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
