Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
