its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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