you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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