Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
